Thursday, September 9, 2010

Questions for the Married Folk


Since Andrew and I have gotten married, I've been quite confused about a lot of things. If you are married or have a life partner (I'm progressive, don't ya know?) I'd really appreciate your input on these questions. I've spend a lot of time contemplating these three things:

How long after you got married did it take for you to care about what you ate again? Because after the no carb crash diet I've been chowing down on beer, fries, nachos, bacon, etc. and I haven't looked back. It's probably time to look back.

If you changed your name, when did you start using your married name regularly and when (or have) you gotten used to it yet? If anyone asks me, I immediately blurt my maiden name. I still use my maiden name for work and I have no idea how to even go about changing it (I figure I'll Google it in the near future.) But at what point did it stop sounding weird to tell people your new name? And while we're on that subject, when did it stop sounding weird to call your former bf your husband? Because I kind of giggle when I say it and feel that everyone thinks I'm a fake, so then I explain myself and everyone looks at me weird like, "Should I congratulate this random girl on her wedding?" Fiance was so much easier than husband.

What the hell did you do about your bank account? Andrew and I are living like roommates right now, splitting the bills down the center and blaming each other when the power gets cut off (that didn't happen, but almost did.) We've talked about getting a joint savings account, but do we get a joint checking too? We're just slightly confused. And I don't do numbers well.

So what do you think? Or do you have a newlywed question I haven't mentioned here?


  1. 1. I've always cared about what I eat. I weight exactly the same now as I did at Ole Miss. Or in high school. Or when I got married.
    2. I changed my name legally about two weeks afterwards. It was weird at first, but it really helps that I was changing my name to something KICKASS. "Brianna Spacekat Wu!"
    3. Frank makes $200k a year. I do iPhone development and art. I lobbied for a joint bank account very early on. ^_^

  2. 1. I eat the same, but when he's in town I tend to do less exercise because I don't have to work so this summer when I was in El Paso, I gained 15 pounds... now that I'm back at school it's time to start "looking back" but I'm having a hard time readjusting. Must lose the newly added so that I can fit in my pants for the winter, though...
    2. I changed my name as soon as I could, within 2 weeks and began using my married name immediately at work, since the only thing that affected was payroll because I was still working retail. I waited to tell my professors and the school my new name until after the semester was over so that my grades wouldn't get all messed up because the teacher didn't know who to give it to. It stopped being weird to say "Samantha Scarcliff" about 3-5 months later, but only because I was doing it consciously 100% of the time. Occasionally I still forget and try to tell them "Mowrey" and have to correct myself, but that's only occasional. My transition to calling him my husband was really smooth, though... I didn't say it weird or anything but I accredit that to being engaged for such a short amount of time...
    3. Every couple is different... it's much easier to budget if you designate certain things to certain people and certain accounts. We finally started using just one of our joint accounts together this summer and it's caused some problems like forgetting the other person spent more than is reflecting on the account so far.... I feel more comfortable him budgeting "his" account and me budgeting "my" account, while at the same time all accounts are joint for just in case we need them to be. It just cuts down on some of the confusion to keep it separate for our case, but then again we are living separate while I finish my last semester of school so that may be the main reason for that.

    I would also like to say, that when I changed my name I just kept my maiden name and added his onto the end so I have four names but Scarcliff is the only "last" name for paperwork purposes, that way paperwork that still has the maiden name doesn't look like I'm trying to steal someone's identity. If I'd hyphenated it... oh the hassle that would have been.

    Do you split the cooking and cleaning chores equally? How do you decide that sort of thing?... sometimes we decide it on a daily basis.

  3. 1. We got married in June and I'm just now reaching the point where I'm like, 'Wow. I really need to stop eating crap.' Hopefully I'll get back into the eating normally and working out soon!
    2. I'll hopefully be changing my name officially within the next week or so. I still blurt out my maiden name too, but I'm trying to ease into using my married name by using it when I have thing shipped to me and stuff like that. Once it's officially changed I'll change it with my employer so I guess that would be when I'll really start 'going by' it.
    3. David's an accountant and will always make more than me (since working with kids pays practically nothing) so as soon as my name's changed I'll be added onto his bank account. I'll probably still leave my checking account open, though, because I use it for all of my etsy stuff.

    It's nice hearing what other couples do! No one really tells you how this is all supposed to work!

  4. I agree with Laura, it's nice hearing how other couples do things!

    1. I did the complete opposite of you as far the dieting before the wedding and going crazy after. Instead, I was stressing and felt like I had no time before the wedding, so we ate out all the time and I eliminated working out to make more time to... eat out. And wedding plan. I was somewhat annoyed with myself since I ended up gaining like 5 lbs before the wedding- who does that? But you couldn't tell in my dress so all's well that ends well.

    2. I changed my name immediately on facebook and my work email, but legally it took a little longer (or a lot). In Florida at least, you have to change your name on your social security card first, then present the new SS card to get a new driver's license. I did what Samantha did above- I left my maiden name on the card and added my last name on the end. I did that with my DL too and it has come in handy in situations when my ID no longer matches my various other items. So you take your marriage certificate to the SS office, wait for them to mail it to you, than take all that stuff plus a ton of proof of addresses to the DL place.

    Just recently I called hubs my fiance, and I realized last week I have been signing into the building at work under my maiden name this whole time. It's been almost a year and it's much more "normal" that it was at first, both with the husband thing and the name thing.

    3. I'm personally a huge proponent of joint accounts across the board. Then you hammer out a budget that you both agree on and that way there is much less of a chance of one person spending money the other doesn't know about. It's not hard, and that Dave Ramsey class really tells you all the ins and outs to making a functioning budget. Hubs added me to his accounts and then I canceled my account- only because we liked his bank more. Truth be told, that just occurred last month. It just took a while to get my name changed, change it with work, switch over the direct deposit and withdrawal items, etc. Until then Hubs was just managing them both online, even though technically one was mine and one was his.

    As far as the cooking and cleaning chores mentioned above, currently hubs does all of the cooking, and we both clean. I do the laundry, by my own insistence, mostly to not shrink things. We have the cooking arrangement because he works from home a lot, so it is just easier for him to prepare the meals rather than have me rush home from work and try to cook. He also manages the finances because I truly have no interest.

    This was fun to hear what everyone does!

  5. I would say, you do what is comfortable with you. I love that you get giddy when you mention your husband, I hope to have that someday!

  6. Great idea for a post! :)
    1. I still watch what I eat, but not like the pre-wedding time...and I don't think I'll ever do that again--I guess I'm happy where I am!
    2. I changed my last name right after our honeymoon...and it took about 6 months for it to sound like 'me'. But I love it now.
    3. We share all of our finances, and we both pay attention to the budget/bills...but it's still a work in progress. :)

    Good luck and have fun with all of this newlywed stuff!

  7. 1. I didn't really try to loose a lot of weigt for the wedding....I suppose I figured that if he was willing to marry me the weight I was when he proposed, then it would be fine to be my same weight at the wedding. What I did do was work my arms out a lot. No one, especially me, likes a big arm photo for all eternity. That said, my husband is the cook in the family, so I just eat whatever he makes...and usually our dinner choices are pretty healthy. I suppose the goal was to not add weight before the big day.
    2. I changed my name legally pretty quickly, and Ashley wales you through the same steps I went through. Warning: you may have to get a new drivers liscense if you are changing you address/name, and my new married picture hurts my very soul. I mean, if I looked like that in real life I would be thanking my lucky stars on a daily basis that someone wanted to marry me at all.
    3. As soon as we moved in together we merged bank accounts...and this was 5 months into the relationship. I do still have my own credit card from my life before being married, ie: broke as a joke, and I like to have it open just in case I need to buy him a sneaky present (came in handy for our one year anniversary)

    I'm so happy for you both, you guys are the cutest couple and I know that one year from now you'll have most of this down to your own science!

  8. Btw, I blame the iPad for my awful spelling!

  9. 1. Ha. I still don't care what I eat.
    2. I started using my married name right away, but professionally was tough. My work couldn't change my email until it was LEGAL and we were only a month out from a HUGE event so I couldn't take time off to change it. So I had a K.H. nametag, and K.H. cards, but K.J. (maiden) email at my work dot com, but with K.H. in my signature. I'd just take care of this ASAP.
    3. We combined our finances when we got engaged since we were tired of giving each other checks. BEST DECISION EVER. It SAVED us shit tons of money since instead of buying those 4 cookies on my lunch break I was like uhhh do I want B to see this? He was the same way.

  10. Gotta tell ya- we've been married 3 1/2 years and we're just merging bank accounts although we'll still have separate checking accounts- can't let the hubs see all my naughty spending habits ;)

  11. I changed my name quickly - it was a process and we had to wait to get a copy of the marriage certificate and go to the SSN office and stuff like that. Took EONS! 2 1/2 years later and I just got my last credit card changed on Saturday.

    We still have seperate accounts. We're both shoppers and would hate to overdraw anything. We do have 3 joint accounts though - and we have access to each accounts. Once we have kids, we'll merge, but now it's easy.